3 Communication Tips For a More Kind World

These communication tips will help improve your relationships and your impact on the world. For some reason, we do not learn communication skills in school. Though every person, everywhere, needs to communicate daily, somehow, this has been missed as an important piece of the curriculum. Ten years ago, I joined a non-violent communication practice group that opened my eyes to a communication style that had, before that point, been entirely missing from my life.

I was more or less just bumbling through, trying to be successful with as many people as I could. That was a turning point for me to bring intention into my relationships and communications. Since then, I have become a life coach and learned to communicate effectively with people worldwide with their deepest truths and emotions.

I notice within my coaching practice that most of my clients get stuck around knowing how to communicate safely and effectively with their partners, coworkers, family members, and friends. From setting safe boundaries to not blaming others, it’s a skill we could all use some aid with. These 3 tips can drastically improve the relationships with those around you and the one inside of you if you start implementing them.

 


1. Stop using “You” as the first word in any sentence.

It is common to hear people in a heated moment say, “You didn’t finish the dishes,” or “You didn’t tell me about that appointment.” Just the energy of starting a sentence with “You” puts people on the defensive. Why do we so often look outside of ourselves to place the blame? When we start noticing where we use the word “You” and change it to “I,” magical things can happen.

For example, “I’m feeling frustrated because I thought you were going to finish the dishes.” Or “I’m really surprised about that appointment and it’s taking me a minute to figure out how to fit it into my schedule.”

The energy of the whole conversation changes, and we take responsibility for our own experience. Whenever you hear yourself starting with “You,” pay attention and see if you can change the sentence around to start with “I” instead.

 

2. Throw a question at it

To understand where the person you are speaking to is actually coming from, try asking a question in response instead of jumping to any kind of conclusion or judgment. Clarifying questions help us understand more about the situation at hand. Everyone likes to feel heard and important.

When you begin asking questions to gain more understanding, the person you are speaking with has the chance to get center stage for a moment. And you have the chance to gain more understanding.

A question I find myself asking often is, “What do you mean by that?” “You’re saying that your burnt out, what does that actually mean to you?”

Try this one with yourself too. When you feel stuck and unsure of how to move forward, throw a question at yourself. Sit down and write out the answer. You have more answers than you think you do.

 

3. Mirroring

Often when others are talking, we plot out what we will say in response or completely think about something else. A lot of communications can get hung up just from this.

Here’s a tool to help you practice staying present with the person who is speaking: Say back to them what they just said to you. It’s so simple but usually takes us forcing ourselves to try it. If you can do this, it means that you were really, really listening to what was being said.

When your boss says, “I want you to secure two more clients by the end of the month to meet the goals we set out.” Before analyzing why he is such an ass or what you’ve done wrong, simply say back to him, “So you want me to secure two more clients before the end of the month to meet our goals?”

It takes a strong muscle within us to practice this at first. However, soon after, it becomes second nature. Instead of being in our heads judging, dreaming, and analyzing, we’re present to what is really happening right in front of us.

In fact, try this on yourself. Say back to yourself what you think a couple of times throughout the day. When you start noticing what thoughts are really going on in your mind, you can change them if they are not serving you. These three tools can easily get you started on the path toward easier communication in your life. Since we weren’t taught this in school, I hope these help!